The title people watching isn't exactly what you are thinking I bet. You are probably thinking that it's about people that we've watched, however, it's more about being the people that are watched.
Since we've been home with our three boys, we've noticed a lot more people "watching" us. I'm not sure what it is. I know that we're certainly a sight to see. Our friends the Frey's have three little boys who are near our boys' ages. Before we had ours home, I would have thought, I can't believe someone would have so many children, so close together.
Maybe that's what they are looking at.
However, I think it might be more than that. Abbey said that she used to look at people who had more than one cute little adopted Asian baby and would think, They must be rich!. Ha! I wonder if that's what they are thinking? They would be SORELY disappointed.
Tonight at supper, there was one table that couldn't keep from staring at us. I bet it was because our boys are so cute. Don't get me wrong, I do think that people stare at our boys because they are adorable, but I think maybe there's more.
Several more bold people have actually spoken. Here are some of their questions, and our responses:
Q: "Are they brothers?"
A: "Yes!" Well, of course they are brothers. We know what they mean, but it's kind of a weird question don't you think. We usually do help them clarify and tell them that Nash and Will are half-biological-brothers, but that they all three are brothers now.
Q: They are so cute. Why did their real mother not keep them?
A: Cuteness is a wonderful thing, but it can't raise kids. That's really beside the point though, because the deeper question is about their real mother. Abbey is their real mother. Their birthmother's are also very real. We touched them, loved them, and pray for them. However, Abbey is their real mother.
Q: Do you know anything about their father?
A: Yes, in fact, I know a lot about their father. In fact, I see him everyday in the mirror. This one is a funny question.
Q: Was it expensive?
A: This is a personal question. There was a time in my life that I was ULTRA sensitive to talk about anything financial, but I'm a little more open now, but still, I've never walked up to a friend who just had a baby and asked how much her hospital bill was. However, if we know that the family is thinking of adopting, we are certainly very open and honest about the costs involved.
The really funny thing is that I understand that most of these people are genuinely trying to be encouraging and interested in our family. I don't really get offended, I just think that they don't know what to say about two Caucasian people with the three most adorable little Taiwanese boys God ever created. So, we just laugh and help educated people on the joys of being parents to God's children He placed in our care.
Although tonight I was really tempted to go up to the staring table and say: "Yes, I know that it looks different. We're suing the doctor that did this to us." But, alas, we just talked about it, chuckled, and went about our merry way!
4 comments:
That is a great attitude. Our daughter is adopted, but she looks a lot like us (domestic adoption and she is white like we are) so we don't really get comments. But when people find out she's adopted, especially that we adopted her when she was 15, almost 16 months old, then they have a lot of questions. SOmehow I never get offended when they ask about her "real" mom. I tell them I am her "real" mom and that her birth mom loved her very much, etc... etc...
As far as the cost thing goes, it is true. Domestic OR international, adoption is VERY expensive. And our daughter "cost" us about $23,000. It is a fact. I am not equating her "cost" with a material thing as a child can never be measured monetarily, but the fact remains that adoption is way expensive. ANd I bet you know firsthand, that adoption is NOT cheaper by the dozen!!
We'd LOVE to have more children, but the bottom line is we can't afford the adoption expenses. So we will continue to pray for more, but we will also continue to thnk God every day for the honor of being parents to the 2 children we do have.
Hmmm... I never thought about people looking MORE at a family with more than one child. Gotta chew on that one a bit.
My answer in storage to questions that shouldn't be answered for strangers, "I'm surprised that you would ask such a private question."
My answer in storage to questions where I want to know the intent of the question before answering, "Why do you ask?"
My answer in storage for when people ask if my children are siblings, "We're a family."
As long as we're talking about answering questions, I've heard rave reviews of this book. http://adoption.about.com/od/guidereviews/fr/wiseuprev.htm
Thanks for this post. I loved your answers. It's a little easier for my husband and me since we're Asian, we don't get as much staring from strangers. For us, we have to deal with personal questions from people that we know. I don't mind providing answers, but some people don't know when to stop asking. It even shocked me when my neighbor came up to us and asked "How much did it cost?" I thought that was kind of rude, so I just said, it was a lot, but totally worth it.
I think my answer to the cost question from now on will be a lot, but God provided every single penny because we were obedient! (thanks Michelle - good answer!)
And, I know I'm commenting twice today, but had to speak up on this one - we TOTALLY get LOTS of looks and we have three biological children. I think a lot of it is the lots of kids and those times when your kids are acting like, well kids..., we get lots of stares too. Our three were a little too full of energy last week in the grocery store and we got LOTS of stares. I told Jason while our kids were literally running screaming to the car (screaming in their joy and fun) while a group of people looked on, "Dude, what kind of looks are we going to get when we have these three plus our two Ethiopian kids? We're going to be a walking freak show!" We laughed. I haven't experienced a lot of weird questions yet - although we've already gotten our share. I know when our kids are home and with us we will get a lot more. My prayer is I can be open about it in a way that is encouraging. I'm excited about getting to be a constant walking advertisement promoting adoption! Of course we don't have them home yet either so my thoughts may change...
Post a Comment